The 5 'But's that are Keeping You from Self-Care
The Need for Self-Care
The primary purpose of Self-Care is to keep yourself healthy on all levels. Taking care of yourself is necessary in order to take care of others!
In a busy household, it is necessary to schedule times that you are not to be disturbed on a daily basis on your family's calendar. Half an hour per day will suffice, one hour per day is best.
BUT They Can't Survive Without Me!
Stop. Take a deep breath. Let your eyes close and your shoulders drop as you exhale. Now, continue.
Take a Practical Look at Your Family
- Which members of your household need constant supervision?
- Is there another person who can temporarily care for them?
- Is there someone else in your support system that can help with that?
Meet with your family/support members and:
- Explain what this time is for and why you will be taking it.
- Get it on everyone's calendar while you are there together.
- At the beginning, give a reminder notice each day. Continue until your family is reciting it in their sleep!
BUT My House is Too Busy!
You've survived setting a boundary with your household, only to find there are no quiet or private spaces in your home.
Any small space can be used as a safe place for self-care if it has a door, such as a walk-in closet. If you have stairs, consider the closet under the staircase. Another option is using privacy screens or furniture to wall off an area in your bedroom, or even in a basement or attic.
Set a Budget!
This is a space where you should feel calm, relaxed, comfortable, and safe. You should select what goes here with that in mind. Enjoy spending a little money on making the space yours. Click here for items to include in your meditation space.
BUT I'm Never Home Alone!
If it's still too loud or your family is not respecting your space, there are some options:
Re-establish the Boundary
Call another family meeting. Explain the benefits your household members receive when you are able to care for yourself this way.
Set up an Outbuilding
Personally, I'm in the process of setting up a She Shed. I have a meditation space within the house, but it is often busy outside the door. The shed will be free of the sounds of a full house, and will provide a more nourishing environment for self-care.
BUT My Family Would Never Do That!
After all options are considered, is your family still disturbing your attempts at creating your personal, quiet space?
Bring in a Mediator
This helps to keep everyone calm and allow each person a turn to speak. It could be an external family member, friend of the family, clergy, or a professional counselor. Do not attempt to have a member of your household act as the mediator.
If your family has specific issues with the situation, consider compromises that work for everyone. This might include things like not burning incense or scented candles in your space or using noise-canceling headphones.
BUT That's Selfish!
You may feel that self-sacrifice is a necessity in your life, but it works like a slow poison that begins to affect your entire being.
Put on Your Oxygen Mask
I always relate to the metaphor of putting your own oxygen mask on first before helping others. It is such a powerful way to understand why Self-Care is important. If you constantly give and give to others with no downtime for yourself, like a candle you will eventually burn out. This can occur as physical illness, mood swings, extreme fatigue, anxiety, depression, etc.
Remember Two Truths
- Self-Care is a daily, lifelong practice.
- Self-care involves taking care of the Whole Self:
physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
In this post, you learned options available to work around the five most common objections to taking self-care time.
Remember to be as kind to yourself as you are to others!
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